Merry Christmas

Happy X Mas ya Ho Ho Hos. And have a fucked up New Year!

Racist Ass Disneyland

I heard that Walt Disney had ties to the Nazis. But damn, they just don't care anymore. They just gonna put that shit out there in the open. Muthafuckaz.

December

What's up gangstas? Yo, December is my favorite month. It all started with Tanqueray Gin. First time I drank that shit It reminded me of drinking a fucking Christmas tree. I don't know what the fuck they put in it but I do know it gets the girl's wet down there. You know, in their "Lawrence of A Labia." Nothing like smoking trees while staring at the glowing lights of a christmas tree. Nothing like sucking a candy cane while get your "candy cane" sucked. Nothing like girls in tight turtlenecks, GODDAMN they look so cuddly. I just wanna squeeze em, fuck em and flee. Nothing like a cold December Sunday, where you just watch football, drink a 40 and do some online shopping.

Obama, Bitches!

He did it like Eli Porter, ya heard?! But fuck it. What I want to know is if he's hittin' Michelle right. She was lookin good in that black dress. She's got those hips. She looks like the rough and tough type too. Eazy bets she likes her hair pulled and likes them butt cheeks slapped, ya know?

Palin is Dumb

Yo, that Palin is one dumb bitch. I was smokin a bone with a 40 just laughing at her ass. She was lookin' good in them high heels though, right?

Now Tina Fey...Eazy's gotta do something about her. In my old age, I'm liking women with glasses. Forget lasic, I aint letting some doctor cut my eyes with lasers. I'll read the L.A. Times front page with my eyes squint ya heard?!

Peace.

Laying Low

Yo. I've been on the DL. I had to get outta state for a minute.

Hold tight, my gangstas.

p.s. I'd tap Sara Palin. She can have my dick, but she can't have my vote!

Taco Bell comes out with this lame video and asks Fiddy to change his name for a day. They were gonna donate $10,000 to a charity for him to do nothing.

Little bitch says no and now is suing for like 4 Million. WTF? Suing for what? 50 aint gangsta. He sounds retarded when he raps, He sold out for vitamin water, and know wants sue Taco Bell? A real G would just shootup a few Taco Bells or some shit.

I'ma go have a chalupa and gets some white widow to smoke some White Widow with me.

Peace.

Fuck Rick Ross!

That fake ass muthafucka was a correctional officer! I'm telling yall, every rapper out right now is fake. Take it from a real G. Just like I said on Arsenio, they all Studio Gangsters. Check out this link:

Click for proof

Dude's real name is Billy Roberts...GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE MAN! Fugazi ass, suge night lookin muthafucka.

OG Court Handling

I've been on vacation for a while. Hopefully the papparazi don't post those pics of me at the beach in Honalulu. Can't a guy let his gut hang a bit while wearing cargo shorts and sipping margaritas? Damn!

Anyways, I'm back in the continental US thanks to this guy. This is how you handle your business in court. I'm posting bail for this fool as we speak. He' ruthless and my Gangster of the Year.

I'm big in Iraq

Huessin was a huge fan. He even put me in their National Museum!
http://www.baghdadmuseum.org/posters/i1768053_Eazy_E.html

That's probably why I get so much fan mail from kids in Iraq.

Nas' Bitch Move

"Straight of the streets of Muthafuckin' Compton.
It's the downest nigga I know,
Eazy Muthafuckin' Me."

Did you hear that Nas changed his album title to Untitled? What a bitch. He got shook. Afraid that Best Buy or Target or somebody wouldn't carry his album. Weak move, Nasir (if that is your real name.) This aint the first time I've had beef with Nas.

First time was when this NY bitch started saying that Hip Hop is Dead. Muthafucka how would you know? You had one good album now you actin like some OG that's got a fuckin' say. Nasir Jones, sit down and shut up. I don't know what's going on in NY, but over here in CA, shit is raw from Nor Cal to Crenshaw.

I used to have mad respect for Nas. I let that Rap is Dead shit slide after a good fuck. I had this bitch suck my dick up til she hiccuped ya know? Then I sparked a fat splif and moved on. Now Nas J is actin' all scared and shit. Damn, makes me want to come outta retirement sometimes to show these douche drinking cunt muscles how it's done. I mean, he's got production from Germs Dupri, Marky Ronson, and will.im.not . This cat aint gettin 5 mics from The Source anymore. He sold out like Jay-Z TO Jay-Z!

Nas, you wanna talk about Hip Hop dying? Your boss Gay-Z was the one who started the decline. Hard Knock Life ring a bell? The bitch was rapping over a musical! Muthafuckin' Annie aint no rap beat. New York's home to Broadway, Sex in the City, and a bunch of soft ass rappers. Yo Nas, you can keep your NY State of Mind.

MuthaFuck Jay,
MuthaFuck Nas,
MuthaFuck Def Jam, Yo
And here comes my left blow.

This Tag Shit

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Paper, Plastic, or Latex?

Yeahhhhhh.

So I go to the corner store cuz I'm outta jimmie hats and I could use a 40 while I'm at it, but wouldn't you know the store was closed up? Seems Ray-Dawg and his boys ran up in there last night and robbed the joint, AGAIN, but this time they popped a cap in ol' man Wing Chun or whatever the fuck his name was.

So, that leaves Eazy no choice but to go to the grocery store.

I roll up in the store around quarter to 12 and my ass don't get out till 1:15.

Why?

Cuz you know how Eazy does it...

I get the condoms (the big Magnum shits cuz you know how I roll), and head toward the aisle with the beer and 40s and shit, and I see this fine ass ho bending over to get somethin' outta the freezer. I roll up on her, and I say, "Baby, lemme help you with that..." She turns and smiles as I pick up her 6 pack of whatever the fuck it was, and she's all, "Thanks playa..." I look her up and down, she gots body for days son. I mean, her ass was the kind you could serve a meal on, and them titties were like two African gazelles bumpin' heads like on Animal Planet or somethin'...

So I said to her, "Now that I helped you with that, you should help me with this," holding up the box of condoms, and I gesture to the store room behind us. She's with it, and the next thing you know she's givin' me head behind the crates of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (or is it Cheese and Macaroni? Never remember that shit...) Anyway, Eazy decides enough with the head, and I bend her over the forklift seat and tear that ass up. When we're done, she got this look on her face like, "Where the fuck did that come from?" I just smile and say, "That's how Eazy does it."

I take the condoms and the 40 up to the register to pay for it, and the check out bitch is wondering why the box is open. I smirk at her, then say, "Why don't you come by my crib 'round 2 and I'll show you somethin' else..." She looks around real quick, then nods and gives me that girlish giggle that tells me she wants it too. I give her the address and roll out, hop online to type this shit and...hold up, that's her knockin' now. Early...I love an anxious bitch...

Eazy's 'bout to do it again.

You Know How Eazy Does It

So check this shit out. I go into the 7-11 off of Crenshaw, and i'm not really paying attention because, y'know, Eazy needs some of that Tropicana shit...vitamin C to go with my gin, ya know. So anyway, I roll up to the freezer and these fools up at the counter start shoutin' shit...talkin' 'bout some, "Git da fuck down, muhfuckah, dis is a muhfuggin' robbery."

You know how Eazy does it.

I pull out my Tech '9 and point it right at theese fools. "Yo, who the fuck you think you talkin' to?" One of them leans over to the other and whispers something. I'm thinkin' it probably was about how he wanted his li'l bitch ass boyfriend to take it up the ass or some shit, but then he goes, "Whaddup, EAZY...my bad, dawg. Didn't see that was you an' shit. You want in on this?"

You know how Eazy does it.

"Of course I want in on that shit. Yo Abdullah, you know the muhfuckin' drill, give up the cash, then get on the floor wit yo' hands on yo' ass."

Did I need the money? Hell naw. Eazy got a shitload of money...stocks, bonds, mutual fund investments...Eazy even got a startup internet company, and gots some of his hoes workin' as virtual assistants over the internet. But see, Eazy gotta let these fools remember who he is and where he's from...the streets.

Say it with me now...

You know how Eazy does it.

Ruthless Jheri

Good evening, and welcome to Eazy's playhouse, you stupid muthafuckaaaaaa!

Did you all gangsta's do your taxes? I was gonna pull a Wesley Snipes but damn, I don't need to be wasting my time with lawyers and paperwork and shit. Oh yeah, one of my girls was trippin on my hair. I told the bitch "Ho, get yo trifflin ass out my muthafuckin crib." See, I still rock my little jheri curl cus I keep it real. I let my soul glo, I let it shine thru, I let my soul glo baby, feeling oh so silky smooth. I like my women how I like my j curl...WET. This OG aint following no dumb ass trends. I aint gonna be a bitch like Gay-Z and dress like this is some kinda fashion show. Fuck that, this is gangsta.

Nigga i came from poverty
Shoot-outs, gang-banging, and robberies
Keep the gat in my lap
Cuz im fully strapped
For the carjackas ,but no haps
Cuz i pack the tech 9' plus an ak47
Send a one way ticket to my hell or maybe heaven

Plane crashes in the CPT!

What the fuck is going on? I was chillin with 40 and a joint gettin my dick sucked by the Chuck E. Cheese girl and BAM a fuckin airplane crashes across the street from me! Now we got cops, sirens and shit. Tottaly fuckin up my high. I took this picture with my iPhone.

Lay Low Creepin

It's Eazy muthafuckin Me. What's poppin kids? I've been laying low the past few days. I had to go old school and take care of some business. I caught some fools slippin at a burger stand. All I could think of was a murder plan. Don`t give a fuck about shit that`s why I mellow. Or maybe it`s the fact that I`m kin to the devil.

Anyways, we just got a Chuck E. Cheese in tha CPT. I went down there and got some free pizza Cuz I'm fucking the assistant manager. Bitch is fine too. She looks like a young La Toya Jackson but with a fat ass. While I was fucking her in the freezer room, my crew thought they'd have some fun by fuckin with the Chuck E. Cheese band. They rigged the machine to play...Well I won't ruin the surprise. Check out the youtube video. Damn, I'm getting used to this WWW.Com shit aren't I?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8tn6ONqEVE

Fools Sleeping on Me

What's up? This is going out to those dumb ass muthafuckas who be sleeping on me, thinkin I'm too old or some shit. Dumb fucks, keep steppin. No matter what my age, I still got a 12 gauge. Yo, I'm still the king of Compton bitch. So quit trying to test me. I told y'all on Appetite 4 Destruction what I'm about. In case you forgot...

1. I'm a be a nigga with an attitude. Gotta get respected, break your mothafuckin' neck.
2. Allwayz gotta fuck out of wedlock. I like it when the pussy goes snap, crackle, and pop.
3. I'm a gangsta, an addict. Smoke any foolz tryin' to cause some static.
4. Here's what's in store. I'ma crazy-ass nigga that remains hard core.
5. My killing just begun, I pull out my gun that will keep me on the run.
6. Hmmm, kinda tricky -Can't forget that I'm mothafuckin' chickenshit, to the ones who tries to play the E, By the time you reach Seven you'll be 6 feet deep
8. Make no mistake, Move real slick and you're bound to catch your pray.
9. I gotta be raw, fuck any brain once your man made law. Last but not least, I must be real -
10. Is my appetite to kill

Disney Just got Gangsta

So one of my kids was all like "Daddy, lets go to Disneyland." And my baby mama was all like "ohhh, I've never been there, let's go!" So I said "BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP! Yo ass don't need to huggin Mickey and shit." But I started thinkin and you know what? That Caribbean Pirate Jack, he was drinkin and fightin all the time. He was Ruthless. Not quite gangsta though cause he kinda dresses like Dre back when he was in the World Class Wreckin' Cru. "

Puffy shirts an' shit ain't gangsta. Anyway fuck it. Baby momma and the kids and me roll up in Disneyland, and son, lemme tell you, if a gangsta wasn't high, he sure as fuck should be. People smilin' everywhere...whacked out music...I swear if I'd taken a shit on the sidewalk they'd called it magical...a muthafuckin' rainbow probably would've popped out of it. "Ain't this some shit?"

So one of the kids was like, "Daddy, I wanna go on the Small World ride!" So we get on the shit, right. YO, you wanna talk about some fucked up shit? Gangstas and bitches, there comes a point in every thug's life when he just can't take no mo' shit...a breakin' point, ya feel me? I found mine...The fuckin' small world song.

About 2 minutes and 37 seconds into the shit, somethin' happened. The music got to me, man, like a bullet rippin' through my muthafuckin' eardrums. I couldn't take it no more...I pulled out my heat, started bustin' caps, regulatin' on those robotic children of the world...little Dutch robot children's clogs flyin off as a bullet rips through its chest, poppin' off legs...the little Japanese robot's li'l triangle hat pops off as its head explodes....all while that fuckin' song is playing...Finally, I busted a cap in the speaker to end this bullshit.

My baby's momma starts trippin'. "That's why we can't go nowhere, you always bustin' caps in shit!"

Like a gangsta I said "That's right bitch. Eazy's either bustin' caps or bustin' a nut...which one you want tonight?"

Poetry aint shit to Eazy

In Some Pussy
by Eazy-E

In
some Pussy
is the place to be

always fucking
is the life
for ME

spread them legs?
open far and wide,

FUCK THIS SHIT
let me get my dick inside

Dis Presidential Shit

Yo, so I been following this presidential shit, right, and let me tell ya'll, Obama? He's a pimp. I know a pimp when I see one, and dis fool's a straight up pimp. He keepin' it gangsta though, fa sho. I seen that shit on youtube, with that Obama Girl...Yo, any fool that can get a hoe to sing about his ass is a PIMP.

Now Hillary...well, that bitch need a dick somethin' fierce. I guess Bill ain't hit that since before that Monica bitch was suckin' his "cigar". Hill-dawg gots more balls then most of 'em fools in Compton though. I bet if she got stuck one good time she'd mellow the fuck out. I'm not the one to give it to her, she don't look like she could take a dick all that good. Somebody needs to though, maybe Bizzy Bone?

Shit, Eazy should run for President. Paint da White House black. Headz of State be my crew...be strapped goin' to peace summits and shit..."Diplomacy? Diploma-see deez nutz on yo' chin, bitches."

Day full of Poom

Shit. Today was crazy. I had to choose between these two chickenheads. One Sharone and the other one Shine. I want to nut but which one do I want?

Shine said "Eazy let me fuck you blind." And Sharon said "E I want to blow your mind." I said fuck it, I know what should be done. Just pull your panties down and I'll fuck the biggest one. And then I get the other pussy put it in the freezer. So I can always have a on-hold skeezer. Get out to tick it, I do it like that. So I told the ho's to take a big step back. Took the zipper down, I'z wide and said "Here's what I'm gonna put inside." Grab it like a rabbit, grab it let's wreck it. But I won't love you, When I'm done I'd still be talkin' shit ...

It's about fuckin' this bitch and that bitch. But not the bitch with the 7 day itch, like that ho. Just throwin' me the pussy. She says she wants to do it like a doggy. She's bad, nobody is badder. But she got more crabs than a seafood platter! Bitch on the gang move, to skizz me. Just to say "I got fucked by Eazy" So I slapped the ho' like a pimp. I might be a women-beater but I'm not a pussy-eater...

Anyway, I lets Sharone gimme some head, and told Shine to come by 'bout 7. She rolls up to da crib lookin' bad as hell, yo her body was an 11. I hit it, I split it, She wanted to get wit' it...but I was like bitch, you must be ridin' da short bus...Ain't no bitch gettin' me ta fuss, So I slapped da hoe, Dis bitch still wanted mo'. but i kicked her outta bed and onto da flo'.

Hell yeah, Eazy feelin alright. Then I ate some Honey Smacks, and called it a night.

Faggot Ass Rappers

Damn, where have all the G's gone? Here's the rules if you wanna be a Real Muthafuckin G:

1. No more illegal activity. Get a fuckin education and make them millions. I know what y'all punk ass bitches thinking "Mr. Roachclip's gone soft." No, muthafuckas. You all get thrown in jail and be packing each other's fudge for like 5-10 years. Then when you guys get out the pen, you go on with your gay shit.

Proof:
You got Lil Wayne kissing Baby, Jay Z sharing an apartment with his Rocawear male model/running back Larry Johnson, Ma$e fucking tranny hookers, Benie Sigel poppin ecstasy rubbin and kissin Peedi Crakk all over youtube. That brings me to number two.

2. No taking ecstasy or meth or none of that shit. Weed and Beer only.

3. No colorful ass japanese clothing with all this graffiti, silly string shit all over it. Get some khakis, some basic t shirts and some Chuck Taylors or Nike Cortez.

4. You can only listen to rap made before 1998. Only exception: Lil Eazy E's music and Sade.

5. Get into shape. Real gangstas get lots of pussy. Gangsta's need stamina. Y'all weak little punks lookin like either soulja boy or Fat Albert. Eat some Steaks and start liftin weights. Look at my son for example. That's gangsta.

Now I now some of you weak, mark ass cats will be thinkin I'm crazy. Fine, don't listen to me. I hope your happy when your in your 30's still slangin, having to piss for your P.O. with like 4 kids runnin around. Baby Mama drama, hatin on us Millionaire cats with Maybachs and shit as you pourin gas in the carburator trying to start your 78 oldsmobile. That's cool though cause you "kept it real" huh? True, kept it real stupid.

Man up, you bitches.

Be a Real Muthafuckin G.

Last Night's BBQ

Yo man, It's the Godfather of Gangsta Rap. Last night, I had to sock this fucker in his mouth. We was all chillin and shit, eatin corn and shit you know? And this Studio Gangsta starts talkin shit bout my son, saying his raps aint right. So I threw down my kabob and straight clocked him. He started bleedin and shit, and bounced off.

Later on, Ice Cube came by which was a big surprise. Mr. Fuckin Hollywood still keeps it real though. We still cool. Afterwards, we had a little hydraulics show in the front yard as we smoked some hydro. The pigs drove by but didn't even bother to stop. Cube didn't smoke though cause his ass gotta go back to Hollywood and make some kinda wack-ass cartoon for kids or something. I give props though. That's where the money is now, cause all ya'll jackin beats off this google internet shit.

Stay Ruthless.

No More ?'s

It's me Mr. Roach Clip. I'm high as fuck right now laughin at that SNL, Natalie Portman parody of my No More ?'s track. One thing though, bitch owes me a couple good fucks or some $$$ don't she? Eazy knows whats up, cuz see, he really don't give a fuck. It don't concern me if it don't pertain to money or a nut.

Off to fuck this bitch that looks like Craig's sister in Friday.

Keep it G.

Dominoes

What up gangtas? Yo, man I just got through playin bones with my crew. I cleaned up as usual. Then I got this fine little bitch to give me roadhead since I gave her a ride home.

Damn, I'm still buzzin from that last 40. I'm gonna get my car washed so me and my crew can go cruisin in about 15 minutes. If you're in tha CPT, meet us at the Osaka Teriyaki.

Hungover

Last Night:
Yo, last night I went to my girls house to get her out of the pad. Dumb hoe says something stupid that made me mad. She said somethin that I couldn't believe. So I grabbed the stupid bitch by her nappy ass weave. She started talkin shit, wouldn't you know? So I reached back like a pimp and slapped the hoe
Her father jumped out and he started to shout. So I threw a right-cross and knocked his whole ass out.

So I said "beeeeeatch," And I bought me some Bacardi, since I didn't rock her body.

This Morning:
Woke up quick at about noon. Just thought that I had to be in Compton soon. I know that I gotta get drunk before the day begins. Before my mother starts bitchin about my friends. I'm Bored as hell and I wanna get ill. I know, I'll go to a spot where my homeboys chill. The fellows out there, makin that dollar. I'll pull up in my 6 4 Impala. By the way, gas prices be fucking ridiculous man. Fuck Bush, If I was in D.C. I'd regulate his ass. Pow Pow. Here comes the sniper, time to pay the piper!

Fuck Dre

One more thing, Fuck you Dre. You said I was gonna be on that Detox album. Instead, your suckin m and m's dick. I see what's up. You and 50, the Game...you all some mark ass bitches. Enjoying your fucking mansion in hollywood and shit. I'm still in Compton muthafuckas. Come round here and get you head folded. LA Times front page.

What I did today

I was Rolling through the hood, cold tearing shit up. Stick my head out the window and I say what's up
To the niggaz on the corner cold bumping the box.But you know that's an alibi for slanging the rocks.

A dice game started so I said "what the fuck?" So I put my shit in park and had to try my luck.
Hard to roll wit my bitch jocking 24-7. Rolled them muthafukas, ate 'em up, hit 11
Got another point, I made a ten a fo. Was taking niggaz money and was itching for mo'
Laughing in their faces and said you're all making me rich. Then one punk got jealous, cold slap my bitch! He pulled out his gat, I knew he wouldn't last. So I said to myself, homeboy, you better think fast
He shot, I shot. As you can see, I cold broke his ass.

This Internet shit

Mothafuckas be jackin my beats off this limewire shit. You better watch your back. You gonna pay what you owe.